(Photo from The New Bootblack's Oubliette)
It's impossible to read the many male written BDSM blogs on Google Blogger without being struck by the preponderance of postings dealing with orgasm control or denial. Most of these blogs deal with a male's desperate desire to have his Dom in charge of his cock, or tell of the effects of same once the cock is actually under the Dom's control. Some blogs (At AllTimes is a good example) chronicle the awesome frustration a sub feels when his heartfelt wish to have his orgasms controlled (and denied) by his wife remains unrequited. Others, and there are many, report on the change in their psyches and behavior once they've been locked in a chastity device, or put on an honor system that forbids orgasm or even touching the cock without permission from the Dom. Photos with imagined captions are replete with evidence of this orgasm denial theme in all its many variations. Robert Anthony's Chastity and Femdom Blog is a good example of the latter, and Subservient Husband to a Loving Wife spends a lot of time on the mental gymnastics of being locked for an indefinite period of time. There are many more.
I'm not going to write a long treatise on the mechanics of orgasm control or denial. I think the subject has been well documented and discussed. What intrigues me is the nature of this particular bit of power exchange, and why it is perceived by the male as being so desirable. There is no doubt that it IS a huge form of surrender, but I'm not sure just why that is. Is the male's need to play with himself, to masturbate, and to ejaculate so much different than a woman's need? In the middle ages when a woman was put into a chastity belt it was to prevent her from having intercourse with another man. In the world of BDSM, enforced loyalty is also a factor when a male is locked into chastity, but it seems that a much bigger factor is the level of frustration it causes the male to be denied any access to his own penis. Keeping him denied is designed as a great form of "the tease", and as a way to control his behavior and compliance to the Dom's wishes.
Disobey, and we extend your time in chastity. Aggravate the Dom, and let's add another week or month. Ask for relief, hah!, there's another extension of your cock's bondage. Tease and denial to an ultimate degree, and the male asks for it, even begs for it, and if ignored, fantasizes about it! He rhapsodises about servicing his Dom orally or otherwise (over and over again) while being denied his own orgasm or even a hard-on. He perceives this situation as a form of "sweet frustration". Periods of release are few and far between, and then it's "please Mistress, put it on again" time. A great many males almost gleefully write about the moment of release being denied at the last second through a ruined orgasm or by edging, or just by her changing her mind, as the delightfully wicked Dom laughingly tortures him with yet another tease and locks him once again.
I simply can't imagine a woman in an equivalent situation, begging for enforced chastity, asking to wear a chastity device (when is the last time you've seen an advertisement for a female chastity device?), etc., and I can only assume that there's something very different about a male's need to orgasm than a woman's. It supports the standard view of a male as a creature controlled by his own penis, "thinking" with his penis, doing all things sexual with an end to making that penis happy. So, if a male willingly gives control of that penis to his Dom....well, what a major move that is. He WANTS her to control it to prove to her and himself that he has willingly given her all the power in their relationship. The dominant woman knows this and uses it to her advantage, at least this dominant woman certainly does.
(A vanilla woman who is just exploring domination is often very confused by all of this. She's basically left shaking her head in disbelief when her wannabe sub male presents her with the concept of controlling his orgasm. The reaction on her part is so dramatic at times, that many men are unable even to broach the subject more than once for fear that it could lead to her throwing up her hands and saying something to the effect that this is just too much for her, forget the whole thing! Many men just buy the device for their own clandestine use, though they seem to tire of that quickly because they need the Dom's involvement in their chastity to be truly satisfied.)
I can fully understand why a Dom would want to control her sub's orgasm (it's something I've always done), but here's my question to all of those cock controlled male subs and wannabe locked subs out there: What is it about your orgasm that makes its control by your Dom so desirable to YOU? There seems to be something more at work here than just a power exchange. Why is it such an enormous turn-on for you to be denied your right to orgasm? A truly dominant woman would much prefer it if locking up your cock were a form of torture for you (which seems logical), and not a turn-on for you! Are we just doing you a favor? How did such an upside down situation come to exist? Is it just a matter of "men are different than women" or....what? I'd be interested in hearing your responses.
