DEALING WITH PETE

After mulling over all of the ideas presented by my readers, I finally reached a conclusion about how to deal with the Pete situation.  All of you who commented will undoubtedly see elements of your suggestions reflected in what I decided to do, and just let me thank you once again for the time and thoughtfulness of your comments.  I won't refer directly to any comments - that would take forever - but you know who you are and what you said, as do I,  and be assured that your comments are individually recognized and appreciated.


The first question I had to answer was whether I wanted to admit to Pete that I was indeed a dominant woman.  It seemed to me that if I did that, I was opening too many doors that I didn't want to open.  Foremost among my concerns was the fear that at some point he would share this with others at the facility, and the ensuing gossip would make my continued dealings with the residents awkward at best, and possibly impossible to continue.  So, no, I decided I would not admit to my dominant ways, at least in any sexual sense.  This decision made things much less complicated, as I no longer had to consider any "relationship" issues that might ensue if Pete saw me as a Dom and was able to re-live his experiences as a sub through me.  I like Pete, but as painful as it was to deny him this bit of joy, I was committed to protecting my privacy and my relationship with others at the home.  Furthermore, not admitting that I was a Dom precluded any possibility (I hoped) of arousal on his part.


The second question to myself was how did Pete reach the conclusion that I was a Dom?  I had already asked him that, but his answer that "it takes a sub to know a Dom when he sees one" just wasn't enough to satisfy me.  There had to be something more specific involved, and I wanted to know what it was.


Finally, there were the tricky matters of timing and attitude.  I didn't want to wait an inordinate amount of time before visiting with Pete again, as that would imply that I was upset - or at least overly concerned - with how our regular conversation had ended when the Dom matter came up.  As for attitude, I didn't want him to have any idea about how much I had thought about all of this, so I needed to convey an aura of disinterest in the matter until he brought it up himself, as I was certain would happen before too long.  After all, with what I already knew about him, it was clear that his subdom was a major part of his life at one time, and it still held a great deal of sway in his thoughts.  I knew he wouldn't be able to resist bringing the matter up again.


So, without further ado, I'll tell you what happened.  I arrived at the home, made my usual rounds among the people I had previously involved myself with, and eventually wound up at Pete's room with my usual greeting and hug, and chatted with him about the weather, his health, etc.  The usual patter, in other words.  As I suspected, it didn't take long before Pete brought up the subject of D/s. It was clear that he had given the matter plenty of thought.  He said that he hoped I wasn't upset that he had talked about his sub experiences with his late wife, but "since I sensed that you were a dominant woman, I figured you wouldn't find it offensive".


That was the lead-in I was waiting for, so I responded that I wasn't offended by anyone's lifestyle, and though I considered myself a strong woman in many ways, I was not what he evidently thought I was.  I asked "So where did you get the idea that I was some sort of dominatrix, or whatever"?


"Well," he said  "that time when we were talking about the year that I forgot my wife's  birthday, and you said that you'd have to give your husband a spanking if he did that, and one other time when you mentioned that he was in serious trouble because he'd forgotten to pick up breakfast items that you'd asked him to get on his way home from work."



Ouch!  My big mouth!  Now it was time to get a bit artful in my explanation.  "Pete," I said, "you're reading much too much into those things.  Women are always kidding about giving their husbands a spanking!  It doesn't mean they actually do it, and we're always saying that they're "in trouble" for forgetting things.  You're just putting things like that in the wrong light, and that's probably because of your own background with your wife.  I never put my husband over my knee and smack him with my hand (that's true, I use a paddle and I never use my knee to support him).  Did your wife do that?  Did getting "in trouble" mean some sort of physical punishment?  You told me that you liked to serve your wife and act as a slave, but was punishment involved?"


Pete blushed a bit, but he ignored the "punishment" question  and went on to say that he hadn't meant to characterize me as something I wasn't, and maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part because I hadn't recoiled in horror when he revealed a bit about his past relationship with his wife, and "I hope I haven't offended you, but you really do give off an aura of dominance". 


"Pete, I think you're just seeing what you want to see, and that's understandable because you miss your wife and your old lifestyle.  How you lived before your wife passed away is your own business, and when you told me a little about it I found it interesting, and I wasn't offended, but it did make me a bit uncomfortable.  How about if we just avoid all of that in the future.  I can't replace your wife and I really don't want to hear about such personal matters.  Is that all right with you"?


"Of course," said Pete.  "I do value our friendship, and the last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable.  Want to get your butt kicked at Backgammon?"  And so we played the game, and I felt a bit guilty about all of my "explanations", but I'd done what I'd set out to do.  We were still friends, I'd found out what had tipped him off, we'd gotten away from the subject of D/s, and I no longer felt that my privacy was in danger.  Whether Pete fully bought my dancing around the subject or not, at least he was gentleman enough to recognize that I had no desire to continue in that direction and accepted that the subject of D/s was better kept off limits.


We'll see what happens in the future, but for now things are back to normal with Pete.  Hopefully, and with a great deal of help from my readers, the situation has been resolved, and I'll be a lot more careful in what my mouth says before my brain considers the implications.  As always, I'd welcome your views on the matter.

ELDERSUBS , CONTINUED

First, I want to thank all of the people who commented on the first "Eldersubs" posting.  I am stunned and terribly gratified at the amazing sequence of suggestions that emerged, and I can't begin to tell you how helpful it has been toward my efforts at resolving this situation with Pete.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!


I have now reflected on everything my commenters have said, and I have reached a "solution" which has already been put into effect.  I will be away from home for the next 5 days, and won't have the time to write about what has happened, nor to post and answer comments until I return.  I promise to let everyone know what happened as soon as I return next week.  Sorry to delay things, and I don't mean this as some sort of tease, but something has come up - as things sometimes do - and I will keep my promise and let you know the details of the "Pete Situation" as soon as possible.


Once again, thank you all so much!