I've finally made up my mind in regard to whether or not to lend my husband Karl to my friend Vanessa for a day of service. As those of you following this blog know, Vanessa is a Dom, my very closest friend, and has told me that she would reserve the right to use Karl as she wished, including oral service should she so desire. I've received many comments via this blog concerning whether or not I should allow Karl to partake in oral service for another Femdom, and I do appreciate the feedback. Ultimately, of course, the decision is mine, and Karl remains blissfully unaware that this "debate" has been going on. Since the situation violates none of the hard rules we live by, I see no reason to bring him into the discussion. As always, what I decree will be what he does.
In the end, I've decided to go ahead with the "loan". Several more talks with Vanessa have taken place since this all came up, and she claims that the primary turn-on for her in having Karl for a day of work is simply that she gets aroused by totally dominating a man by forcing him to work his ass off for her. Vanessa is a woman of African-American lineage, and has never forgiven "whitey" for all the years of slavery that her forefathers and foremothers had to endure. She only dominates Caucasians, and she loves to play the plantation's overseer role, complete with whips, chains, and shackles. Great fun for her, but I know Vanessa very well, and I know she's a very sexual creature who gets turned on by the helplessness of her slave, and when she's really turned on, she intends to be sexually satisfied. It's no surprise to me that even though she knows Karl will be wearing his chastity device, she wouldn't do this if she thought that she'd wind up completely frustrated sexually. Thus, the demand for the right to oral gratification. I have no illusions as to what might happen.
So, I've decided to put jealousy and possessiveness aside for the moment, and see how this all works out. In short, my curiosity is getting the best of me, and I'm so intrigued by the possibilities that I simply must go through with it. It's something very different for me and Karl, and it's healthy to try new things to keep a D/s relationship vital. If it turns into a negative experience, well, we'll just have learned something new about ourselves. If it's a positive experience, then we've opened some new doors that were previously closed to us. Que sera, sera, as the song goes.
It all begins tomorrow. Karl will go through his morning service routine, and when he's waiting for me to finish my breakfast, I will place his chastity device on him. When I hand him his daily list of duties, it will contain only one item:
1. You are being loaned to Mistress Vanessa for a day of work at her house. You will consider yourself in slave mode while there, and you will obey her commands as you would mine. She has my permission to use you in any way, and she will not hesitate to discipline you if you fail to meet her requirements. If you are punished, she will inform me of the reason for punishment when she returns you, and you can be certain that I will punish you as well for embarrassing me with unacceptable behavior. You're wearing your chastity device for a reason. This is not a sexual adventure in any way, so don't even think about it. Get dressed and wait for me on your knees by the front door.
I'm following the advice of Dom Queen Goddess and creating a lose-lose situation for Karl by forbidding him any sexual activity. If Vanessa does order him to perform orally, he'll either have to obey her (thereby disobeying me) , or refuse her, which will undoubtedly result in some serious punishment from Vanessa. Should be fascinating to see how he handles that if such a situation should occur. I must admit that I'm turned on by the thought of his potential dilemma.
I'll write about what happened when I get the chance.
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LG, I feel you have made the right choice and as you mentioned it is healthy to try new experiences. I love the position you have put Karl in ( no pun intended ) and no doubt you will get lots of mileage out of this.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see the look on Karls face when he trys to figure out the lesser of all evils. If he services your friend he knows he is in for punishment but also understands that embarrassing you will also carry a price from not only you but from your sister Dom who I'm sure will be quite upset with him.
It's quite a mental ping pong game and with endless punishment opportunities. If Karl refuses do you send him back after punishing him only to start the whole thing over again? This could turn out to be deliciously fun for both of you.
This was a big step and I'm proud of you for pushing past all the feelings you had regarding this. They were all normal and this was a huge. I had the same dilemma as we entered into the cucking part of our relationship.
My blog is still a mess and I think at this point I'll just start a new one. I never did get to finish my vacation story. I took your advice and planned quite a surprise at the casino for hubbette that had me facing very similar circumstances.
I'm excited to see how things turned out.
LG
Ma'am, I don't know how you and Karl feel about the intimacy of your D/s relationship. I do know that for me, intimacy is what makes the D/s relationship so intense.
ReplyDeleteIt is intensely intimate to give myself so totally, to surrender so completely to my Mistress - and only my Mistress - to do things for her that she demands and to submit to her and have her do things to me that she wants.
Speaking for myself, I would be some kind of pissed if my Mistress put me in this position.
It would tell me my Mistress does not care if I do the same thing with somebody else that I do intimately with her.
QG - Thanks for the moral support. Sort of the opposite from the comment after yours from Alex. Interesting. I'm dying to know what you did to hubbette at the casino! New blog? How am I going to find you? Please let me know where to look if you start a new one. I'll be writing about what happened with the lending out of Karl very soon. Be well.
ReplyDeleteAlex - Well, it seems you have a very strong negative opinion regarding my decision to loan Karl out with the potential for a degree of sexual intimacy. I appreciate your point of view, but I do disagree with it. If you allowed yourself to be "some kind of pissed" at a decision reached by your Mistress, it would imply a lack of trust on your part and a rather serious breach of your submissive status. I would have to ask just what you would do if you were pissed. Would you yell and complain? Refuse to take part with the particular scene involved even though it violated none of your previous arrangements? Would you end the D/s relationship? That's hardly going along with the idea of surrendering yourself completely to your Mistress. I'm afraid we have different views of just what a D/s means, but I do thank you for commenting.
I CAN NOT WAIT TO HEAR THE DETAILS!yummmmm!
ReplyDeletekeptcaged
Lady Grey,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting my comments. With all due respect, I have been reading your blog from its beginning.
From my readings, I deduced that although you don’t call it that in your blog, Karl has HARD LIMITS on what he will submit to. For example, he won’t engage in sexual interaction of any kind with another male. Were you to require it, would you not be violating his trust in you?
Having asked the above, I don’t know if he feels that sexual contact of any kind with another Domme - with your knowledge and consent – violates his trust in you. I am simply going by the multiple times in your blog where he so passionately declared he could not be without you – where he told you how much he loves you.
In my D/s relationship with my Mistress, we both agree that monogamy is to rule our relationship. We believe monogamy make our D/s more intense and passionate for us. So to answer your questions, being put in the position you put Karl in would violate MY trust in my Mistress. Having said that, I trust her implicitly and know she would never put me in such a position.
Those of us in this D/s lifestyle also live in the real world – the vanilla world. A world in which we are invested in emotional relationships. We are wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends.
We should not lose site of the fact that going in some directions in a D/s relationship, we could end up harming our own relationships with our partners. We saw that in Mistress Vanessa’s relationship. Her husband was so wrapped up in his fantasy that he was worthless to Mistress Vanessa when the chips were down.
Lady Grey,
ReplyDeleteThis is powerful stuff. You've obviously thought long and hard about the consequences before coming to a decision and deserve respect for that.
I can't see why Karl would be pissed, as Alex suggests, since he will be doing something you have instructed him to do. As a good sub, it is his place to serve and I'm sure he trusts your judgement in the matter.
From our perspective, it's not something we would do since, like Alex, our relationship is based on monogamy so its' unlikely it would ever involve a third party.
I do agree with Alex that there is a risk factor involved in violating trust - but that's the same in any relationship and a D/s marriage can lose it's way just as easy as a vanilla one. What happened with Mistress Vanessa and he husband is sad but it's one D/s relationship in a sea of millions vanilla relationships that have ended.
The delightful twist in all this is that poor Karl is going to incur serious punishment however he behaves. But then that is the lot of the submissive and I look forward to hearing how he copes with his fate!
Respectfully
garyk
Alex - Of course I wouldn't ask Karl to do something we've already agreed not to do, as in the "hard rules" category. Yes, it would violate his trust in me. I must admit to being a bit annoyed that you'd even ask me that since I thought I'd made that clear in my early blog entries to which you refer.
ReplyDeleteWe've already established that your D/s relationship with your wife is different than ours. As the French say "Vive la difference".
As for your having answered my question(s), perhaps you should read it (them) again. I asked you what you would do, not how you'd feel.
garyk - The question of what constitutes monogamy, and indeed what constitutes sexuality in a D/s relationship versus a vanilla relationship is worthy of its own lengthy discussion. No time for that now, but I do appreciate your comment. As you point out, all relationships involve a degree of risk. Unless one is willing to accept mediocrity and boredom and a life of two people just existing together with little or no passion, risk can be very healthy. We'll see how it works out with Karl.
BTW, speaking of "powerful stuff", I'd say that photo of your well striped butt in your latest posting certainly qualifies:)
Ma’am,
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry if my comments annoyed you. That was certainly not my intention. I was simply under the impression throughout your blog that you and Karl were monogamous. When I read your last blog entry I thought you were now deviating from that course. I could well have missed it, but I don’t recall ever reading anywhere in your blog that you weren’t monogamous. Karl’s comments certainly led me to believe HE was monogamous.
As I said, I could have missed it, but in the times Karl has written about his experiences with you he spoke passionately of his devotion to you. I don’t recall reading anything to indicate he would submit sexually to another Domme.
Now to finally answer your original questions I failed to address; our relationship includes very specific limitations we both agreed to. One of them is monogamy. If my Mistress put me in the position you plan to put Karl in, I would politely decline and leave immediately. I would feel anger because this would be a clear violation of our agreement. I would not end our D/s relationship but I would have a heated discussion with my Mistress about what I perceived to be a violation of our agreement.