THE ITCH: KARL'S RESPONSE

Those of you who follow this blog know that several weeks ago I told my husband Karl of my desire to once again train a novice sub.  You can read about this in my previous blog entry for more details, but essentially I gave him the task of coming up with a plan whereby I could scratch my itch.  By putting him in this position, I'd hoped he'd arrive at a solution that satisfied both of us, something that had eluded me for weeks despite input from my friends and readers.  Karl did as he was told, wrote a lengthy "composition" and presented it to me a week after I'd assigned him the task.  I didn't discuss his writing with him immediately, telling him that we would talk about what he had written when I' d had the time to read and digest it myself.

His composition was quite lengthy and very personal.  Rather than publish it here verbatim, I'll summarize what he said and quote some of the more salient sections of his paper.  He began by stating that my explanation of what I wanted shocked him, and he went through a range of emotions when he started his essay.  Anger, fear, rejection and dismay were his immediate reactions, and he started many drafts of his response in a heated mindset that he later brought under control.  "I'm glad that you gave me a week to write this," he said, "because I threw away most of my first efforts when I calmed down enough to get my head on straight."

As the week progressed, he thought a lot more about what I was seeking, and why.  "I realized that there was no way for us together to replay those early days of my training.  I too was tremendously excited and turned on by the whole process back then, and I can't blame you for wanting to feel that again, especially considering the years before you met me when training new subs was a regular thing for you, and clearly something you loved.  I know you gave that all up for me when we knew for sure that we were in love and wanted to get married and spend our life together.  The fact that you consider me your "masterpiece", that you have no wish to break up our marriage, that you still love me, and - very important - have no wish to have sexual relations with someone else is very, very gratifying and important to me."

So far, so good, I was thinking, but Karl was nowhere near finished.   "However," he continued, "the whole question of fidelity comes into play.  I know you said that you had no intention of going back on our vow of monogamy, but what about sexual fidelity?  I know that you get turned on by all the things you do to a sub when you're training him.  You've told me that you even consider your feet an erogenous zone, and it physically turns you on to have them worshipped.  I'm not complaining about that, of course, since I love to worship your feet, but you just can't say that there won't be any sex involved even if there's no intercourse.  Everything you'd be doing to the sub would result in a sexual feeling for you, which I recognize, but I can't say it's a good feeling to have you experiencing that with someone else.  When you were training me, there were times when I was allowed to kiss your breasts, or your pussy, or your ass.  Is that going to go on with this new sub?  Is that always a part of your training regimen?"

Ouch.  Karl was raising some strong points here, and I must admit that I wasn't exactly in a comfort zone as I digested his words.  He was right, of course.  There was no point in denying that I'd be sexually involved even if intercourse were not part of the equation.  Could I really ask him to accept that?  Karl had always satisfied me sexually, and still did, so what would it do to his ego to think that it evidently wasn't enough, that I wanted more from a different sub?  Did I?  Did I want more?  Was that what this itch was all about? 

I thought long and hard about this while Karl was waiting many days for my response, and I came to what I feel is an honest conclusion on this matter.  The answer is no, my itch is not at all about more sex.  I can get all the sex I want, any time I want, from Karl.  It's about the training, and though there is an unavoidable sexual element, it's not really the point.  The point is the whole process of taking a novice and introducing him to his own inner self.  Making his fantasy a reality instead of just a masturbatory dream.  Watching him learn what's expected of a sub, what his life could and should be like if he's to be true to himself.  Except for Karl, and this is important, the sexual aspects of training are secondary for me.  Karl was the exception, and such an exception that we wound up married and living out our lives together.  He was still being trained, and always would be, but I wanted that experience of training a new sub again, and that was simply impossible to do with Karl.

I had put down his composition at this point to ponder what I'd already read, and it was a few days before I picked it up again.  A surprise was waiting for me in those pages that I never anticipated.  I'm going to stop here for now, but I promise I'll be back soon.