THE SADDLE CAME LOOSE

As I write this, I'm sitting at a small desk in my basement, typing away, and looking up now and then at my husband Karl, who is naked and suspended by his arms (feet on the floor) from the basement beam across from me.  His head is down, looking at the floor, he's been brought "to the edge" four times in the past hour, and he's been admonished to not go over the edge and to keep his head down or suffer a session with my whip.  I can honestly say that I doubt he could be any happier.  Why?  Well, therein lies a tale, doesn't it?


The title of this entry refers back to my last posting  (BACK IN THE SADDLE) which I wrote a full 6 months ago.  At the time, I was thrilled to be typing with two hands and had fully expected to be posting regularly once again.  Things changed quickly when the phone rang with a message from the elderly care home where I volunteer.  My friend Pete had come down with a relapse of his earlier bout with pneumonia, and things had taken a dark turn for him.


Those of you unfamiliar with Pete and our relationship can check back on my postings in 2016 for more information, but suffice it to say that we were very close and I was about his only source for visitation.  When I arrived at the home,  I was shocked to see just how much he had deteriorated in the few days since I had last seen him.  He was having trouble breathing and his hacking cough was absolutely frightening.  I stayed with him that day and returned day after day to give him what solace I could and to keep him talking and aware that somebody besides doctors and nurses cared about him and wanted him to get better. 


We became even closer during this time, as Pete seemed to want to go over his personal history and revealed just about every thought and life adventure he'd had along the way.  I shared with him as best I could given my desire for privacy, and bits of my life as a Dom invariably crept into the conversations here and there.  Not much, but enough to let him know that I trusted his discretion and valued his input.  Days crept into weeks, and I suppose you could say that Pete became something of a father figure to me.  It was a comfortable feeling, but it became harder and harder to watch him get weaker and weaker, and I had to come to the conclusion that I was watching a man who I had come to love and respect slowly and painfully die.


I'd never experienced anything like this before.  Those of you who have gone through this know how draining it can be to see something like this happen and to feel the helplessness involved.  It had devastating effects on my own life as well.   I became obsessed with being by Pete's side, and had lost all desire to involve myself with my usual Dom persona where my husband Karl was concerned.  I just couldn't get myself in the right head while watching Pete die, and I couldn't even read the blogs I usually read or comment on other situations in the blogger community. 


I also felt terribly guilty about shutting out Karl to some extent and ignoring what I considered my duty to keep the D/s relationship strong.  It was not a happy time, and when Pete finally did pass away shortly before Christmas, I fell into a depression of the sort I'd never felt before.  Karl couldn't have been more understanding and loving during this period, continuing to serve me in many ways without my having to ask and putting no pressure on me to return to my usual "natural Dom" way of life.  He is truly a wonderful man.


Gradually, the depression lifted and about a month ago I started reading and commenting on my favorite blogs (special thanks to fur sissy for his wonderful fiction works) and the cloud that I'd never before experienced began to lift.  My juices began to flow once more, and that takes us full circle to the beginning of this posting and explains why Karl could be so happy hanging from the rafters and being lovingly tortured by me.


I do apologize to all my faithful readers who have been wondering what happened to me.  Hopefully, you understand where I've been the past 6 months, and hopefully the year 2017, which began with flu bugs and ended with death, will fade from memory and be replaced with health and positivity.  For now, I've got to get back to Karl and put some clamps on those nipples.  I'm certain that  he'd want it no other way:)