PAIN - GIVING AND TAKING

 


Posted at contemplatingthedivine.blogspot.com.  Caption by the always creative Servitor.


Pain is a very touchy subject (no pun intended).  In my last posting - "Embracing The Inner Sadist" - I talked about the fact (as I see it) that there is an inevitable aspect of sadism in simply being a Dom.  I won't go into details (go back and read it if you're interested), but I didn't spend much time on the giving or taking of pain.  Therefore, this posting can be considered a continuation, an extrapolation of sorts, of my last blog entry. 

Many blogs written by sub males say that their wives/partners can accept most aspects of being dominant, except that they would not be interested in giving pain to their sub.  Indeed, the very thought - according to the male writers - is so horrifying to the Dom that any hint that the male might desire pain is almost guaranteed to be a deal breaker.  In other words, the Dom is willing to take control of the relationship, putting her partner in the role of housekeeper/servant, controlling his right to orgasm, possibly having him wear a chastity device, assuming control of the finances and allowing her mate to use money only with her permission, establishing rules of conduct, determining how he is to use any leisure time she allots him, requiring that he service her sexually and/or worship her body, and on and on....but she is horrified at the "perverted" idea of giving him physical pain in the form of corporal punishment, torture, or the like.

Here we go again, ladies, as I am forced to call this a form of hypocrisy.  Let's face some facts.  You're a Dom; he's your sub.  It's most likely his heartfelt choice that he's your sub.  He wants you to dominate him.  I guarantee you that he would not be unwilling to accept a physical aspect to any punishments you deem necessary.  More than that, I'd be willing to bet that he'd LOVE to have you administer physical punishment.  But, no, you're above that sort of thing.  You are, after all, a caring female who is willing to dominate your man, but heaven forbid that you go against the traditional view of a woman as a loving, gentle creature who wouldn't dream of physically hurting her man. 

What a crock.  You're already being enormously nontraditional by dominating your man.  You're already making a mockery of the standard role of a woman.  You're already, by definition, engaging in a perverted relationship.  You're already exhibiting sadistic qualities by purposely humbling him and psychologically emasculating him.  Yet heaven forbid that he might welcome some pain at your hands.  "He wants me to beat him?  He wants me to engage in cock and ball torture?  He wants to be tied down, put into bondage?  The man is perverted!"

Yes, I understand.  Women aren't raised that way.  We're taught to be kind, loving and caring.  We don't wrestle with and/or punch each other very often.  It's hard to break old habits.  All true, but if you've committed to being the Dom in your relationship, you've already abolished normalcy.  You're breaking the rules every day, and I must assume you enjoy being the Dom, or you wouldn't do it.  So why is it so unimaginable that you might administer some pain to the poor dear, especially if he wants it?

We're talking about a loving relationship here, not some Prodom situation.  You do love the man, right?  You do realize that he's a sub because he wants and needs to be submissive to you?  You do want him to be happy, don't you?  To be fulfilled by his submissiveness to you.  So why is THAT acceptable, but the fact that he'd welcome a physical element to any punishment he's earned so distasteful to you?  You say it's just not in you to hurt him?  You say it's fine to frustrate and tease him mercilessly while denying him orgasmic release?  All those humiliations you bestow upon him, all those rules of behavior that must not be broken.  That's all fine, but corporal punishment is taboo.  That, to me, is a very shortsighted view.

Consider this ladies: it's a rarely talked about aspect of domination, but the fact that a man is willing to accept physical punishment from his Dom is highly significant.  He's probably stronger than you, he could certainly stop your raised hand or crop from hitting him, he doesn't have to willingly let you tie him up, he could most likely overpower you at any time.  And yet, he doesn't, and this shows just how much he accepts your dominance, needs your dominance, wants your dominance.  It's not a disservice to a sub to be physically punished by you.  It's a gift from you to him, and a clear representation of his desire to be totally in your power.  For you, it's a wonderful sense of strength to know that this much stronger person is under your control,  physically as well as mentally.

Here's a little experiment you can try if you've never raised a hand to your sub.  The next time he's earned a punishment, go into your bedroom and sit down fully clothed on your bed.  Call him into the room and tell him to strip and stand before you.  Take a little length of cord, or rope, or even your stockings and tell him to turn around.  Tie his hands behind him.  Tell him to turn around again, and then you take a good look at his cock.  Oh my!  That's how he reacts to a modicum of bondage. Then tell him that he's going to be spanked for doing whatever it is that he's done to displease you.  Take another look at his cock.  Has it wilted in fear?  Is he clearly excited or not?  Let me take a guess.  Then put him over your knees and spank him.  After twenty hard swats, tell him to apologize for what he's done.  He will.  Then have him stand up and face you, and tell him that he must understand that if you have to do this again, it will be forty swats, and you'll be using a hairbrush or perhaps a paddle.  Then untie his hands and tell him to get down on his knees, kiss the hand that spanked him,  and thank you for correcting him.  See if he objects.  Note how it feels to you to have him on his knees thanking you for his spanking.

Go ahead.  Give it a try.  You might find that you've opened a new and delightful element to your D/s lifestyle.  If I'm completely wrong, and he wasn't excited about what you just did, if you didn't get a little tingle from doing it, well then call me a fool.  But if I'm right, then hum a few bars of that old tune "This Could Be The Start of Something Big".