PAIN : GIVING AND TAKING

It's been about 6 months since my last blog entry.  At the point when I stopped writing, my husband Karl and I were experimenting with slavery - his, of course.  For a few days each month, he became a total slave as opposed to his usual submissive self.  There's a big difference between being a submissive or a slave, and there's an equally big difference between being a dominant woman or a slave owner/driver.  I seriously doubt that many couples involved in a female led relationship (including marriage) could make such a transition on a semi-regular basis, if at all.  Most dominant wives draw a line at administering physical punishment at the level often "required" in the process of truly enslaving a husband, and I suspect that even if a couple weren't married, the same limiting factor would probably arise. 

Even if the dominant female makes the transition, there's a good chance that the newly minted slave would soon realize that he'd bitten off more than he can chew.  There's a big reality leap required between the fantasy of being a slave subject to serious physical pain and the moment when that lash actually strikes the skin.  Reality can be very painful indeed, and when a dominant woman views the reaction of her male experiencing his first real pain session, it's often more than she can bear.  The experiment quickly ends, and that's that for real corporal punishment.

Of course, I'm not "most women" and I've never had any trouble administering punishment, but being a slave driver is a new level even for me.  And Karl - who insists that he's not a "pain freak" - has gone through some serious changes in his ability to tolerate said punishment.  We're now a full year into this "experiment", and I feel I should write about what's happened so that the many people who follow this blog are not left up in the air.  I do remember some commenters predicting dire results if this slavery transition were to take place, and I certainly had no way to predict what would happen between Karl and me when we adjusted to this new reality.  I wanted to try it, he wanted to try it, and the results of one year of part-time slavery are in. 

As the title of this blog entry reveals, the first and foremost result was in the giving and taking of pain, both physical and mental.  Over the years, Karl had gotten used to taking orders from me and experiencing various forms of punishment, including corporal punishment, but at a much lower level than I was now prepared to dole out.  As our slave games progressed month after month, I found myself relishing the punishment I was subjecting him to.  There was a heady feeling of POWER involved in seeing a stripe appear on the body of my slave/husband as a result of my using a whip or cane on him.  I've never denied being a sadist, and I've written extensively on this subject in the past - even insisting that all dominant women are sadists at least to some extent -  but now I was a sadist unleashed, so to speak.  It was undoubtedly different, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it.

What about Karl?  What was his reaction to seeing  - and very definitely feeling - the difference in me?  We talked about each session each month during the time in-between, and at first we were both somewhat afraid of what was happening.  He more than me, but that was understandable as he was the one feeling the pain, but I too was concerned about the difference in the way I now felt when administering the punishments.  Neither one of us wanted to go over the edge, but it was becoming increasingly clear that "the edge" was in a state of flux.  I seemed to be giving out more pain, and he seemed to be able to take it better than either one of us had expected.

For the first half year, each month had a three or four day period of slavery.  Month seven marked a vacation period at work for Karl, and we decided to spend a solid week as Master/slave (I don't like the word "Mistress").  I could probably write a book about that week, but suffice it to say that it was intense.  We had both agreed that there would be no turning back for that period of a week, no time-outs, no discussions, no safe words, etc.  A full immersion into this experiment to see where it took us.  Believe me, it took us to a new place, much more so mentally than physically.  We truly became Master/slave, and isolating ourselves from all friends or business connections, it was just Karl, the slave, and I, the Master, in every sense of the words.

Karl later said that he experienced his first real case of "slave space" as opposed to "sub space" and I certainly did the same on the opposite end of the spectrum.  By day five of that week, we were both somebody else, if that makes any sense, and at the end of day seven it was truly hard to go back to what we had always perceived as reality.  I was so much the Master and Karl was so much the slave by then, that pulling ourselves away from the entire thing was like yanking yourself out of a deep sleep dream.  Do I mean "nightmare"?  No, not at all, and I guess that's the point.  It was not a feeling of relief from something fearsome.  Much more like awakening from a dream that you wanted to continue if you could just go back to sleep again.

Strange?  Yes.  Unexpected?  Totally.  Neither of us had ever relly considered a "permanent" slavery situation, but now such thoughts found their way into our every day musings.  When Karl went back to work after that week, I found myself missing having my slave available at all times.  He admitted to lapses of concentration at work - which he could get away with as the "boss" - but there was no denying that something had changed.  That seven day immersion into total slavery had whetted our appetites for more of the same.  I had reached new heights of administering punishments and subjecting Karl to significant pain, and I had enjoyed it immensely.  For his part, Karl's slave space had  - as he put it - "brought me to a realization that the pain was warranted and bearable as a tool for making me a perfect slave".  He had made that leap of existing solely for my pleasure, and if that involved punishments that strenghtened my total control of him, then so be it.

Needless to say, this situation was a long way from what now seemed a "simple" female dominant way of life.  To be sure, our relationship was never "simple", and we'd already experienced far more of what could be called "extreme" moments than most female led relationships ever experienced, but this slave experiment had clearly brought us to a new paradigm. Whether this was a good or bad thing was debatable, but that had yet to be decided. 

I will continue this later.  As always, I welcome comments.